I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
