I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
