The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize