i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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