the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
