it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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