I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
