He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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