actually, I'm a sock model
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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