you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
