Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
