I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
