now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
