to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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