you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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