i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
