We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
As shirtless as possible
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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