if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have fence marks all over my body
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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