I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
