CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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