omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
