Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
