so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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