I wish I could punch you in the face.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
