Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
