Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
