Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
