I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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