No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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