I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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