i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My cat gives me a boner
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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