Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
