There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
