I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize