u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
