90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Enjoy the penises
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
