i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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