Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
