Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
