How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
