i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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