Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
