You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
