I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
