After last night, I could never be a politician.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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