Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
