I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
