Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
