I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
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you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
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Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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