Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
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If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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