New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
