barbara walters just said penis...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Congratulations! We have a period
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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