i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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