I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
