I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize