I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
do nipples grow back?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
