he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
