Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
