My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
