Umm I'm too high to move.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
