If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
