Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
