Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
