he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
